Love The One You Love

"With love, there are no rules to follow, you have to go by instinct, you have to be brave". - Chad

Being American, and living in the US, I think most of us take our liberty and freedom for granted. I hope not to offend anyone by my comments or statements that follow. Arranged marriages are still quite the norm here in India. Men are generally married no later than the age of 30 and women are married no later than the age of 24-26 at the latest. I can't imagine marrying someone because my family has arranged/or wants the marriage, and not marrying for love.

I am always being asked why am I 35 years old and not married. People think somethings wrong. LOL

It appears that it is every parent's dream/goal in life is to raise their children and see them get married. So many people feel the pressure to marry, even if they are gay or not even interested in marrying. This is such a shame, since one has to live for their own happiness and not what society or the family dictates. I've read several articles over the past three weeks in the newspaper where young couples who have married out of love have been killed by the bride or groom's family. How can they kill their own child and spouse just because they married out of love and not followed their parent's marriage arrangement?

Perhaps we have over a 50 percent divorce rate, but at least we marry out of love and not necessity or family or even pressure from society. I can't imagine being in a false marriage.

Life is short...

Life is far too short, no matter how old one is, it is hard to say goodbye when the soul leaves the body. Last night on the way to Delhi, Sachin's father passed away. Thankfully, we had left their home in Udgir after spending three days with the family. Sachin was planning on going back home in four or five days...at least he's not suffering any more and his pain has ended.

While outside of the hotel last night, I saw a guy on a motorbike crash and die. He skidded on the pavement with sparks flying everywhere from his bike. I was in shock and sadly, I couldn't get myself to run over and help him, which is probably a good thing in the end since I can't handle seeing another person dead.

Let us all remember, life is short, so let's make it sweet and beautiful.

How Time Passes

In life, it is important to take a step back, take a good look at your situation, your actions and your environment and contemplate every now and then... I am taking my own advice over the next few weeks.

So much has happened since I last posted. I went to Kolkatta and then to a small village in West Bengal (5 hours away from Kolkatta and 1 hour away from the coast at Dhiga). This place was a true village, which only had electricity the past 5 years. I was the first and only foreigner, let alone American to ever visit the village. I was a bit of a celebrity with everyone following me around and going everywhere I went. The people were so friendly and very gracious.

I've been to Bangalore four times now, as I've made some really good friends there and it's a bit cooler and less humid than here in Goa. It's nice to do some shopping and to eat some western food every now and then. Thankfully, I've made some friends which I'm sure I'll be in touch with for a lifetime.

Tomorrow morning, I'm heading to Mumbai and then to another village/small city called Latur for a few days. Then I'm not sure where else to go...maybe Kerala, Jaipur, Agra, etc..who knows.

More to come...

Observations

Here are a few things I've seen and observed here in India:

• People love to ask you how much you paid for something, and how much you earn.
• When talking to someone, they often tend to shake their head from side to side, rather than nodding. It's cute.
• Every skin care commercial on TV aims at making your skin "fare". People are obsessed with having fare and light skin.
• People use the word "chinky" when refering to an asian person who is from outside of India and even for Indians from the north, who have more asian looking appearance. I don't know if they realize it can be offensive or not.
• I hate seeing how everyone litters. People throw garbage, paper, bottles, etc, right on the ground/street and don't even care.
• There is garbage almost every where you look around you. It's sad to see it in such a beautiful country.
• I've experienced prejudice on several occassions for being white and/or an outsider. It's not fun.
• Instead of using the word Ditch, when we skip work or school, they use the word bunk. So you would say, I am bunking work today.
• Indians can be very suspicious. They will ask why am I here, what am I doing, who I know and how I know them, etc. They will continue to ask my friends how they know me and how we met, etc..
• The food is spicy.
• Most people are poor and don't have much, but they seem to be happy and smile most of the time.
• A government job is "The Job" to have and it means you are doing well in life.
• People who have cars will not use or stay inside the lane, if there is one. They will stop and park right on the highway with no regard to the cars behind them or the fact that they are blocking a whole lane.
• Everyone beeps the horn when passing anyone, when rounding a corner or when driving where there are lots of people.
• Not much understanding or respect for one's personal space. People will push right up against or along side you.
• No understaning of a que or line. People will push right up to get served, even though you have been in line and waiting your turn.

More to come...

Mumbai

I am here in Mumbai, after riding a train for more than 15 hours from Goa. Luckily, I was able to ride in the nicer car with AC, otherwise I would have died. The scenery of the countryside was amazing, with so many mountains, farms, rivers, and small towns along the way. It was a worthwile train ride.

Mumbai really isn't a city I'd ever chose to live in, it's far too large, has too much traffic, and sadly, too much poverty. The poverty is heart breaking and at time I have to numb myself so that I don't get too down and sad about it. Again, I am reminded how lucky we are back at home.

I spent most of the day in what is called New Mumbai and tomorrow I am looking forward to some shopping and some more roaming through the city.

Happy Anniversary

As of March 25th, I've been in India for one month, so I am celebrating my anniversary! I made my weekly visit to the Panjim police station to check on my residence permit application and after almost one month, they granted it!! I guess it must have been an anniversary gift. LOL. I then went to get a massage (from a different salon this time) that was amazing. They used orange oil and the massage was so much better than last time. Afterwards, I went to Fidalgo Hotel where I had lunch, chai masala and enjoyed being inside with AC. I came home and took a nice nap. So it was a great day.

I am super excited that my friend is coming back to Goa tomorrow!! I guess she had such a great time last weekend she wanted to come back. I was originally planning on going to Bangalore for a few days, but I'd much rather see Minji than Bangalore. I am planning on taking the night train from Goa to Mumbai on this coming Monday night. I am planning on staying in Mumbai for three days and then will head over to Pune for a few days and then back home to Goa. I can't wait, although, I heard it's really hot and humid in Mumbai.

I am really craving a churro right now...strange.

The Way of the Saints

"The Salt of life is selfless service;
The water of life is universal love;
The sweetness of life is loving devotion;
The fragrance of life is generosity;
The pivot of life is meditation;
The goal of life is self-realization" - A great Indian Saint

I read this today in a book, and it's true. I think all we really want in life is self-realization and happiness. The question is, how do we get there...

I had a great weekend. My friend and co-worker came down from Bangalore (in Bangalore for work) to Goa. It was so nice to see a familiar face and to have conversations with someone who knows exactly what you are talking about and who can relate to you. We went to Calangute, Baga, had a great lunch and dinner and finished off the night at the Saturday Night Market in Baga. We saw so many hippies and "weird" non-Indian people. It felt like an oasis for the unique and eclectic souls of the world.

We spend Sunday near her hotel in Arrusam and spent the day at the beach. Swimming and laying in the sun...ahhh. Sad she's gone now, but it was so nice to see her.

life is good

When is your Happy Birthday?

As I sit here at home, with the tv on and the ceiling fan on high, I don't think I'll ever complain about the cold weather at home (in the US) ever again. LOL. Summer is starting and it's getting even hotter now.

I had a great day yesterday. First, I spent the first part of the day at Sephora Salon in Painjim...it was my lucky find, well, Sachin actually told me about it since it's accross the street from his office. First, I had a Moroccan bath, then a full body exfoliation, my hair washed, a complete body wash and body masque...had a break with some green tea and then had a full body aromatherapy massage...ahhh...it felt so good! A whole day's worth of luxury and relaxation for just about $100.00.

Later in the afternoon, I went with some friends to remote lake out in the jungle area. We jumped off the rocks, swam, etc. and had a great time, until a young boy who was walking by told us that the lake is full of crocodiles, large ones too! Needless to say, I decided to get out of the water. I don't think I'll be coming back to that lake in the future.

while getting my massage by a Thai woman, she asked me: "when is your happy birthday?" At first I thought it was cute, but I realized she is right. Every birthday is and should be a happy birthday. Why do we ask, when is your birthday? We should be asking, when is your happy birthday! I love it. As much as I don't want to get old and I cringe and my own age, each year of life is a happy event, one to be celebrated, so let's all have a happy birthday.

Oh Hell No...LOL

It is an Indian tradition (or maybe just Hindu) to buy gold to celebrate the new year, too bring peace and love to you and your family. So, in honor of the new year and to replace what was lost/given to the gods, I bought a new chain and pendent of Ganesh. Hope it brings good luck and fortune my way.

I realized that if I can ride a scooter here in India, I can drive a car anywhere in the world. The roads are horrible and there is a lack of driving/road rules...tsk tsk tsk. Some people just love to pull out right in front of you.

Finally, I signed up for my gym membership today and I'll go to my first visit tomorrow. I think I'm also going to go for a massage too. I need one and it's so cheap here, even at the fanciest spa, it's less than 30 bucks! I am craving some fresh fruit, which I think I'll get tomorrow as well...some melon, grapes, mango, etc...Mmmm

Okay, dinner's ready...rice with spinach dhal with lots of onion, green chilies, and garlic. YUM!

Happy New Year

Today is the New Year for the Hindu's, here in India. I celebrated this special day by going to Vagatar beach where I swam in the ocean and washed away all the negativity of the past year. A sort of cleansing to start the new year fresh. I am constantly amazed at how beautiful the beaches are here and how plants, trees, flowers, etc. flourish and add so much beauty to Goa. Amazingly beautiful.

Sadly, most people throw their garbage outside and constantly litter. I understand there isn't really any other option, when the city/state does not provide any sort of public or private garbage service, but it's still hard to see so much garbage thrown all over when we are in such a beautiful place. It is a great occasion when I am riding my bike and pass an area where Mogra (not sure what the English word is) is growing and you smell the sweet scent in the air...ahhh.

Several days ago, I went with some friends to the very north of Goa, about an hour drive Panjim, to a beach (I can't remember the name) where we spent another 15 minutes hiking along side a small path on the side of a hill, where we came to a fresh water lake next to the beach. It was amazing (a few photos will be posted on my FB account). I can't even begin to describe how beautiful it was, with palm trees surrounding the lake and small islands of lava rock in the lake. The lake is fed by a natural spring up the mountain where there is a natural clay/mud area where you can cover yourself in clay and then wash it off at the lake. So while swimming, the chain that kept the pendent that my aunt/godmother gave to me before she passed was lost! I was heart broken and even cried. I later learned that the Indians believe that if you lose something in the water, you are giving it back to the gods as a gift. Knowing this was comforting and I know that she's always with me, in my heart and a part of my very being. Another lesson for me in letting go.

Trust

"We're never so vulnerable than when we trust someone - but paradoxically, if we cannot trust, neither can we find love or joy" - Walter Anderson

Trust is a huge lesson for me, one that I am trying to working. I have to accept that at times, people may really like me or want to do things for me, only because they care and want to, and not because they want something from me. I admit, this is a hard lesson and one that I will not grasp overnight. I realize, I have to let go, don't question, and just accept that I can be loved and cared for by anyone.

Peanut butter and Jam, who knew! Earlier this evening, after it cooled down a bit, I went to the town of Candolim, which has a new international market. There I found some peanut butter and some blackberry jam!! Mmmm..I can't wait to have some tomorrow. I also found some brie, which I'm looking forward to eating as well. I think all of the pollution, smoke and dust might be causing me to either have a bad cold or severe allergies. I just took another shot and a half of Nyquil so I hope I'll have a good night's sleep.

I've said it many times before, but I'll repeat it just this once. In the end, when the time comes for you to leave the body, it's not what you did, what you have or who you are, it's who you love and who loves you. That's all that matters, Love. So go, go with love and an open heart.

India For Me

What an amazing two weeks it has already been. I only received internet access today, so my apologies for not writing anyone. Where do I begin...I'll start with a brief summary:

• The search for your inner self, inner love/strength and happiness actually happens within, regardless of where you are or live. I guess I only now understand this.
• The plane ride was way too long and way too uncomfortable for so many hours.
• Indian people are very welcoming and very friendly.
• It is really, really hot here.
• I miss my home, my friends, my co-workers, my entire life, but I am excited about my new life here, a whole new adventure awaits.
• Haven't eaten meat since I arrived, which is a good thing. Sachin has been cooking homemade food for me several times a day, and really great tea every morning and afternoon.
• I am learning to appreciate how lucky I (almost all of us) are to live in a country with so much opportunity and the ability to do and become anything you are willing to work hard for. Not everyone in the world has the luxury of opportunity that we, Americans have.
• I am learning to be humble and appreciative. My new flat is far from the "good" life back home, but it's so much nicer than most people can afford here.
• I love riding on the scooter, feeling the cool evening air on my face after a hot and humid day.

Most importantly, I realize how lucky I am to know so many wonderful people and to have so many good and caring friends back home.

The Long Goodbye....

"If you should die before me, ask if you could bring a friend." - Stone Temple Pilots

As I write my last post, before my departure on Tuesday, I realize that not only do I embark upon this journy for my own search for contentment, spiritual growth and happiness, I take this trip and move for those dear ones who have left me behind, well before thier time should have come. I take this journey for my sister, my brother, my father, grandmother, aunt, uncle, my friends... I will live, enjoy life and be happy for those who's life on earth has come to an end. My love, my happiness, my experiences will be shared with them as well. They are in my heart and I am in theirs.

Until next time, my heart is with you.

Friendship

"I want to be your friend forever and ever without break or decay. When the hills are all flat and the rivers all dry. When it lightens and thunders in windeter. When it rains and snows in summer. When heaven and earth mingle, not till then will I part from you."

I realize everyday, just how lucky I am to have such wonderful and caring friends.

Thank you!

Fear

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light,not our darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of god. Your playing small doesn't serve the world. There's nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. You are born to make manifest the glory of god that is within you. It's not just in some of us, it's in everyone. As we let our own light shin, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we liberate from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others." - Nelson Mandella

As struggle to come to terms with my decision to move forward with my life, I wonder if it's worth it to leave my job, my career, the life I worked so hard to create for myself. There is great fear in leaving the security of a secure income, a schedule, a routine....but there is greater fear in not moving forward and regretting that I never made the decision to leave and to start a new life, however temporary that may be. As a wise woman told me: "Life is short, so go and make it sweet!"

Upon my return from India, to my world..my life, I may struggle with finding a new job, with money, with getting my feet back on the ground, but it's a far better struggle than never going and asking myself, what if? When the time comes to leave this body, I won't wish I worked longer or never left for India, all that will matter is that I have no regrets and the people who are around me that I love.

I have decided to put my fears aside and go forward, I chose life and happiness.

Home

"Here I am, safely returned from a journey far more beautiful and strange than anything I had hoped for or imagined - how is it that this safe return home brings such regret." - Peter Matthiessen

As I start my first blog, to chronicle my journey on the road to happiness, I realize that true happiness begins within myself, my very soul.

I depart for Goa, India on February 23rd...for what will be a year-long adventure filled with happiness, love, exploration, travel, friendship, and self awarness. Sometimes it takes changing your whole life for a period of time, to get back in touch with yourself. So my adventure begins, even before I leave my home.

Let the story begin....